International Women's Day 2017.

By no means do I consider myself a political person - but I do hold very true to the ideas of feminism. I feel like in the past couple years, these ideals have been bolstered by the strong women, friends, and leaders I have been so lucky to spend time with - and because I feel like I've found myself in lots of situations where my femininity (aka - having a vagina) has made me feel unsafe or unappreciated.


I am making a stand this International Women's Day because...

...I will never forget the first time I was harassed by a man. I was standing at a stop light on my way to the mall in the 9th grade. A man stopped at the light, stared my friend and me straight in the eyes, and placed his disgusting tongue between his two fingers.

...I had no idea [until 10 years after] that being sexual assaulted was not my fault.

...when placed in a group project my senior year of college with a group of all men, our professor asked us all to introduce ourselves by saying our name and at least one thing we feel we bring to the table for the group project. The men went first, saying their names and strengths like public speaking, graphic design, presentation generation, etc until it was my turn. I started to say "My name is Shannon and I am good at organizing workflow" but instead it was interrupted with "My name is Shannon" "--and I'm really good at making sandwiches" by my brand new male teammate whom I had absolutely no previous interactions or rapport. 

...when I was walking down the street alone this past summer, a group of six teenage men told me first that I was cute and then that I "have a nice ass". When I told them that they were being disrespectful and that the sheer number of them compared to me was threatening, instead of apologizing, they told me that I "should have just smiled" and that I'm "not cute anymore."

...in the the 9 block walk to drop off my election ballot this past year, I was whistled at 3 times and screamed at about my aforementioned "nice ass" twice from cars and buildings I walked past. 

...I will never forget the first time I was harassed by a man after Donald Trump was elected President of the United States of America. I was standing at a bus stop alone after work and a man whistled and yelled "Ooh girl, I have something to put between those legs" from only a sidewalk distance away. I remember feeling more scared than I had every previously been because of his proximity, the darkness, and the validation he may feel from the most powerful man in the world. 

I don't feel like my participation in this day is necessarily political or stubborn or irrational. I don't feel like people who identify as feminist are necessarily radical. I think my participation is just an acknowledgement that I am not the only woman with this story or a story very much like this one. Strong, powerful, intelligent, beautiful, driven women everywhere face this kind of dehumanization on more occasions than any one person could imagine.

If you (man, woman, transperson, frog, amoeba, alien, etc) don't think these things happen regularly, look to your right and left and ask the first woman you see to tell you of a time she's been harassed and be prepared to become a bit of a feminist yourself.




And with that, I am off to do the best thing I could think of today: Volunteering at Mi Casa Resource Center at North High School. Not only is Mi Casa "dedicated to advancing the economic success of Latino and working families in the Denver Metro area" - but it was founded by eight badass women/mothers/trailblazers. It's an honor to be a part of their legacy.

Happy International Women's Day.

On Harry Potter and Heartbreak

Here is a post that has been churning in the back of my mind for some months now. To eliminate any and all mystery, I will explain the title of the post from the get-go:

The beginning of May 2016, the man I dated for a smidgen over a year and I split up. The beginning of June 2016, I finally started my adventure of re-reading the Harry Potter books for the very first time since reading them as they came out when I was a child/teen, a feat I have been talking about for years. 

I am (as someone blatantly called out recently) a "serial monogamous dater." I have put lots of passive thought into this blunt truth. Here are some of the reasons I can't help being this way:

• I believe everyone deserves to be passionately loved and cared for
• I believe everyone is capable of expressing their very own great and unique love
• I am fearless (and perhaps foolish) when it comes to love
• My fearless love is infectious
• I never believe that love will fail tomorrow or the next day - I always assume its permanence
• Falling in and out of love are both my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses
• I knowingly, lovingly, and gracefully hold a place in my heart for every person I've ever loved
• If love = happiness, no matter how fleeting, I will forever choose love

Unlike many single adults I have met in my short, love-filled twenty-five years of life, I have literally never once let heartbreak deter me from diving head-first back into love. I have been cheated on, lied to, and manipulated and I have done the cheating, the lying, and the manipulating. Just as I don't hold past partner's faults against my future partners, I don't let past versions of myself hold my present self back. Some days, this ability to fearlessly walk into yet another potentially tragic love story feels like a magical power possessed solely by me.

Because of my known power and weakness to fall in love, I recruited Harry Potter as my very own Patronus. Instead of using Harry to ward off Death Eaters, though, I have been using him to ward off my love addiction. 

Drowning in laughter with my Mom, Dad, and brother and flipping through pages of fictional worlds are the only two things I've ever found to engage both my heart and mind in a way that leaves no room for loneliness or longing. So since my family and I are now spread across three states, novels needed to step up. There was never a better or more obvious time to revisit the brilliant magical world JK Rowling wrote into existence. What started as a temporary distraction from my loneliness and mourning over yet another lost love has now turned into something much more. Here is what re-reading Harry Potter in my single mid-twenties has taught me:

• As long as I am doing things that make me happy, loneliness and sadness cannot taint my singleness
• Loneliness and sadness will continue to be experienced regardless of my relationships
• I am capable of bravely embracing the unknown 
• Loving from a distance is just as powerful and sometimes for the best
• Loving is my greatest strength and its okay to want to share that with the world 

I suppose the point is this: I am still in love, I am single, I am not lonely, and I am happy...simultaneously. I am finally fiercely and fearlessly loving the most important person in my world - ME.

Three Extreme Reactions

It is 2:17am on a Wednesday as I start this blog post. I thought I'd be able to fall back to sleep after the bizarre events of my disturbed middle-of-the-night awakening...but my mind is going a mile a minute. Let's ride this wave.

I live above a bar. Well, diagonally above a bar. Mostly it just really sucks all the time, especially in the summer, because people are out laughing, smoking, and being generally loud at very wee hours of the morning. Much around the time of this little post you're reading. I have lived here for a year coming up next month and I have overheard arguments, one-side of drunk dialings to exes, people vomiting in the alley, people pissing in the alley, people laughing and being joyful, and people just being belligerently loud. Alright, that's fine, I live above a bar...it sucks...but it's kind of to be expected, right? 

Well tonight, for the first time since living here, I overheard a couple hooking up in the alley and had three very extreme reactions. 

• Reaction Number One: Ew ew ew ew ew. So many people have relieved themselves (in so many disgusting ways) in that alley. EW. I hope they didn't touch anything and I hope they have a condom and EW. Seriousy, so gross. 

• Reaction Number Two: People are SO rude. I am not in college anymore. I never wanted to, nor did I ever expect to, be woken up by the sounds of literally anyone having any sort of sexual contact ever..or ever again. It was bad enough in the college dorms, I don't need this in my adult life too. Most people don't realize that there are apartments up here...but still...who resorts to hooking up between a coffee shop and a bar in the middle of the morning on a TUESDAY? I just can't understand it. Get a room, please. 

• Reaction Number Three: Is it consensual? As soon as the confusion and disgust wore off from being awoken by a couple having disgusting sexual contact in the alley outside my apartment...all I could think was: Is it consensual?

As I'm sure you can imagine, it is this last question that has me kept awake this early morning. With everything in the news about the Stanford rape case, as a survivor myself, and as a recently single young adult...I have some pretty extreme feelings about tonight. 

Why didn't I intervene? Sure, it's a horribly strange position to be in and I didn't want to come across as some grumpy and very sleepy person trying to ruin their fun...but still...why didn't I intervene? Bystander intervention is a real thing...and it is a thing that I wish I was taught to do more confidently and more often. I didn't want to yell at them to shut up, to get a room, or to ask if it was consensual because I didn't want to ruin their fun. Seriously?? I sound like the father of that horrible young rapist and I am so ashamed. Society has taught me that those feelings of embarrassment and discomfort are stronger than my feelings to protect and stand up for a potential victim. I hate that I said nothing and simply turned on my AC unit to remove myself from the awkwardness. I genuinely hope I didn't make a mistake by turning a deaf ear. 

Were they being safe? Let's assume it was consensual, Were they being safe? Ignore the fact that they chose one of the dingiest alleys on the street to get it on....and let's talk about safe sex. I am all for a sex positive culture that we are striving for but with that comes a lot more risk. Unwanted pregnancies and STDs are very intimate things to share...let alone in a dark, pissy, vomity bar alley. Did they use a condom? Did they talk about their sexual histories before they jumped right in? Did they understand the risks versus the rewards? When was the last time they were tested? Have they ever been taught to have these hard conversations? Do they put that knowledge into practice?

I think it really sucks to be awakened by a couple of young lovers in the middle of a work night, yes, but I think it sucks even more to be awakened by my severe gap in comfort regarding bystander intervention. Tonight, I did not intervene. Sure, everything may have been fine and consensual...but it also may not have been. I understand that when it comes down to it, the parties involved should be responsible enough to recognize consent...but in light of all the articles we read, stories we hear, and rape cases we follow...that's just not always true. 

I hope writing my reaction to tonight's events helps me better prepare myself for the next time there is an opportunity to intervene...because history tells us there will always be another opportunity to intervene. I hope writing this helps you think about your responsibility as a bystander, too. The course of so many lives can be changed forever if we can all just learn how to say something--I know mine would have been.

It's all I want for me, too.

Today I was talking with a new friend about writing and how I used to blog. I definitely have to say it in past tense now because I certainly don't have the same dedication I once had. I described blogging as being a bit vain...and I'm not sure if I totally support that statement anymore. In the grand scheme of things, I certainly started blogging as a way to keep all my peeps across the country filled in on the goings-on of my life. But I even said it back when I first began, I was blogging (and journaling--which I now also don't do--ugh) to try to look at my life through a more positive lense. By no means are all of these blog posts positive...but they all helped me reflect a little bit deeper about what was really going on in my heart and in my life.

It's been pretty much two years since I finished my term with AmeriCorps. And it's pretty much been two years since I've taken this blog thing seriously. I think I was able to keep everyone up to date on AmeriCorps because it was my year of selfless service. My journey that year, while there was a lot of personal growth and experience, was mostly professional. It was the first time I was far away from home...and it was my first go at life outside of my education. It was new and exciting and different and I expected it to have a lot of ups and downs simply because of the crazy role I got myself into. 

And now we're here--two years later--with hardly any written words to show for. I've been thinking a lot today about why I wrote this blog and why I would possibly want to write again...and the answers aren't coming easy. Life is really really really really hard sometimes. And really really really personal. Moving to Denver has been the single most important decision I've made in my young 25 years. Just like every decision I've ever made though, really. Something big always feels like the most important one ever--haha. 

I don't really have a purpose for this post...except maybe to check in with those of you who I've recently discovered miss my writing. Thanks for noticing I stopped...but I can't make any promises it won't be another long couple months before the next.

Or maybe I guess the real update is this...this is the reflection I need to make for myself because that's really why I write this blog in the first place:

I am not always happy and I am perpetually heavy with other people's sadness. That's just the truth. But you know what? It's okay. I often beat myself up for carrying weight that is not meant for me...but if I witnessed this tendency in someone else, I would think they were absolutely beatuiful. In fact, I do have people in my life that do this...and they are beautiful. I don't put them down for loving other people. I don't put them down for wanting others to reach their full potential. I admire their faith in humanity and I just want them to treat themselves kindly. That's all I want for my beautiful friends...and it's all I want for me, too.

Alright...epiphany reached (I knew I kept this blog for a reason!)--hah. Goodnight. 

Snow Day 2016.

Today is March 23, 2016 and it is expected to snow anywhere between 5 and 8 inches in Denver, CO. This is the first Denver Public Schools snow day that I don't work at Downpours in the morning so (HAPPY DAY!) I have a full and random day off.

But wait.

Why do I have off this fine Wednesday morning when I have been working every other Wednesday morning for the past month? Oh yes, that's right, I remember now:

I [was supposed to] have a job interview.

Cancelled.

The struggle is real.

Fingers crossed we will be able to get it rescheduled because I really really want it! I'll just keep it at that for now.

If you're in Colorado and experiencing this storm that is rolling through...be safe! I will be hermit-ing because I'm a California girl that is terrified of driving in any weather that isn't sunny and 70 degrees.

Look! A Blog Post! :)

Hello All!

Of course I am posting this blog because I am procrastinating...hehe. But there is an alternate purpose that I promise to explain once I get to the end of this post. 

Here's what's going on here in Denver:

It's February...already. Where the heck has the time gone? I am still working the same two part-time jobs as last year: Afterschool Facilitator for the Drop-in Programs at Mi Casa Neighborhood Center at North High School and Barista-ing at Downpours Coffee. I may have the same two jobs but they are so much different than last year. 

At Mi Casa, I have started a Career Exploration club where I use my endless contacts/customers at Downpours Coffee to volunteer an afternoon to talk about their career to get the students thinking about "what's next". Attendance in the space has been OUTRAGEOUS which is wonderfully exciting...and incredibly overwhelming. Because of this, we finally hired another Afterschool Facilitator to help us out! She will start running programs in about a week and a half! Hallelujah. 

At Downpours, I'm finally getting a little bit of my desire to "do good" fulfilled. I coordinated the first ever Downpours Coffee Food Drive right before the holidays. And I'm hoping to get a little park clean-up set up for our customers and their families to volunteer and feel like they're making a difference in their community. If there is one thing I have learned about asking my customers to volunteer at Mi Casa...it is that most people WANT to give back to their community, they're just not likely to search it out themselves. I've had about ten customers volunteer at Mi Casa...and about 50 participate in the Food Drive. It'll be awesome to see how many say "yes" to help the community in a different way in the next few months. It is a challenge and a project that I am creating for myself...and I find it thrilling. 

OH YEAH. You know what else is going on in Denver? The freaking Broncos are in the Superbowl. I have been avidly watching football this year...so I actually feel like I kind of care. I have never lived in a place where the team has gone to the Superbowl. I am totally feeding into the hype. I just bought a horrendously orange Broncos shirt to wear in support of my city. I am pumped for Sunday. 

Other exciting tidbits:

• I am trying to attend at least one Spanish Speaking Happy Hour per month (one is tonight)
• I took a beginner Bachata dance class last week...and hope to make it a more regular activity. I love that my friends are interested in these things :)
• My solo apartment is still awesome and adorable and I love it
• I have my keyboard all set up with a sustain pedal and stand and chair so I have been singing for pleasure significantly more these days
• I will be crafting with two of the wonderful friends I've made since moving to Denver tomorrow
• I am on the job search...as always. No more of this double-part-time-job nonsense next year...I am going full-time baby

And that last bullet point is why I am writing this post. A) I am totally procrastinating on my search because looking for work and then editing resumes and writing cover letters has to be the most tedious and exhausting thing that a human ever has to do. But more importantly, B) I think I want to apply to more communications based positions and everyone I have talked to said that writing is becoming a somewhat archaic skill and I should definitely push that skill when I am applying to those positions. Truth be told, I haven't written for pleasure in a really long time. So...this post is really to shake off the dust and help me remember how much I really enjoy written word. 

Hopefully this job search will get me back on the writing horse. It's a shame I have been away for so long. Fingers crossed to more writing and a successful job search! Cheers!

And Go Broncos!

My First Half Marathon

LOOK HOW BADASS THIS PICTURE IS. I feel really cool (even though it looks like a squirrel is sitting on my head).

Kooky Spooky Half Marathon
Golden, CO
October 25, 2015