March Madness

(No, I’m not talking about college basketball…)

As always, this month was all over the map. Specifically, my personal life flourished quite a lot but my professional life was sporadic as could possibly be—I guess that is bound to happen when your work success is wrapped up with your own and five other peoples’ good and bad days.

Let’s start with the messy stuff: Work.

My team hit an all-time low towards the end of February and really tried to heal in the beginning of the month. There was success, roadblocks, and tears…but we all seemed to pull through right when we all needed it the most.

Witnessing Growth

Bayou 6 is a young team, has a lot of room to grow emotionally, a lot of attitude, and could improve some in the professional demeanor category. My team has progressed miles from where they started but everyone started plateauing in February. Call it a blessing in disguise or maybe proof that humankind can learn to be happy and flourish in any circumstance…but my team faced yet another roadblock that finally pushed them out of their February stagnancy.

Throughout the year, as Team Leader, my team has essentially left all emotional and team-building responsibilities in my court. This is certainly an essential part of my role but I firmly believe that every member has as much responsibility when it comes to “team happiness” as I do. Anyways, back to the story…my ability to keep everyone happy severely faltered in the beginning of March which required other members to step up and address negative behaviors all on their own. I was out of the office one day and apparently one member of my team exhibited “unprofessional behavior” in the office while I was absent. Another one of my members asked if it was okay if she confronted the “unprofessional” individual to explain why their behavior negatively affected her. This Corps Member utilized a teammate as a mediator and crutch…and it was a huge success.

Three of my Corps Members stepped up that day: One served as a mediator for the first time in her life. One accepted constructive criticism with open arms. And the most impressive and touching growth occurred in the Corps Member that initiated a conversation to discuss her negative feelings in a constructive way for the first time since the start of this program (and possibly in her entire life). Up until that day, this Corps Member would shut down when negative emotions arose, denied anger or frustration even if her body language screamed otherwise, and could only talk about these emotions if asked the right questions at the right time. I proudly reflect on this day and on this growth often. I’ve never been more proud.

Mason Neck State Park

Mason Neck State Park is in Lofoton, VA, was about 30 minutes away from our housing, and offered a to-die-for volunteer opportunity. On a whim, three of my Corps Members and I decided to indulge in this opportunity. On a Friday night, we drove out to this beautiful 8-bedroom home in the state park with windows overlooking a bay off the Potomac. The girls and I had “family” dinner in the massive dining room, played Scrabble, and prepared for the next day of work.

Saturday and Sunday morning came around and we were met with a FEMA Corps Team from the Vinton, IA campus and another Vicksburg Team. Our task? Create an oak enclosure for 200 baby oak trees so that the deer wouldn’t damage them while they’re still gaining strength. We transplanted 199 oaks (we lost one in the transfer), dug deep holes for poles with augers, put up fencing, laid down gravel, and generally got insanely muddy. After long days, we made team dinners, frolicked around the house, baked in the first oven we’ve seen in months, and were peaceful. This was, sadly, the first time my team voluntarily spent time with one another…and no unmanageable outbursts occurred. We were happy, as an entity, for the first time in a long long time.

Why yes, I do have friends.

Over and over and over I think about March and all the laughter that occurred. Somehow someway, I was deployed with a few Team Leaders I get along with best. I don’t know how it happened but I never questioned it…I just made damn sure I reveled in it every chance I could. Between drinking pocket flasks, partaking in ice-fight-wrestling-matches, singing Irish ditties, escaping to the mountains, and having obnoxiously personal conversations, I had one of the most social spikes I could have ever asked for. I am certain the memories and bonds that were solidified this month will be ones I carry with me the rest of my life.

Dad in the District of Colombia!

My dad was able to come visit me in DC! Normally I indulge in unstoppable chattiness with my mother…but my dad and I were viable competition this weekend. We ate and drank gluten free things together, walked all over downtown DC and stumbled upon a number of memorials we didn’t even knew existed, hung out with the other Team Leaders, walked and ran along the Potomac River, and looked googley-eyed at all the trinkets in an Irish store we found. It is always, and it proved to be true once again, a joy to get a chance to be Shannon (non-Team Leader) for an entire weekend. Thank you for visiting Dad. I loved every second of it.

The Simple Serendipities

The things that made me extra happy this month have a place close to my heart.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac. After the 3^rd attempt of starting this gorgeous novel and 3 and a half months of trudging through the vocabulary and quotes and sporadic plot…I successfully completed this novel. Thanks to Dave for the challenge and suggestion—totally worth it.

Possible Job Opportunity. One of the individuals I am working under the guidance of at FEMA Headquarters asked me to look into applying for a job in his department soon. Without much background I was already flattered. After talking to my Point of Contact, however, she flipped when she heard it. Apparently, there have been PMFs (Presidential Management Fellows) who have worked in FEMA Operations that have asked for a position at FEMA and this man has politely declined. He has never, and I mean never, asked someone to apply for a position. I was honored and taken-aback and undeniably proud of myself. We’ll see if this opportunity comes to fruition any time soon.

 

This Picture. NO, I did not create it. One of my Corps Members did…and then she accidentally posted it on Facebook. I realize it is kind of messed up…but this is the reality of Bayou 6. Our attrition rate is through the roof.

NCCC Alumni. My fellow Team Leaders and I met an AmeriCorps NCCC Alumni during our St. Patrick’s Day trek of Old Town Alexandria. He toasted to our service about a million times…and we did the same to his. He married a girl from his team and they just had a baby…my heart melted. It was so cool to meet an NCCC alum, there aren’t too many of those out there!

TAKE IT SLO and JASON MRAZ. Yeah. This is awesome. My college a cappella group, Take it SLO, got to perform with Jason Mraz in March. I don’t know the logistics of how exactly it happened…but it did. Go Take it SLO. I cried when I watched the videos. I’m so proud of you all. 

Global Youth Service Day 2014.

Today was Global Youth Service Day—“Youth Serving Youth”. Bayou 6 along with Southern Region Campus FEMA Corps Teams Summit 3, Ocean 4, and Bayou 5 also served at an event put on by City Year (another AmeriCorps program) at Langley Elementary and McKinley Education Campus. Across the campuses, we cleared flower beds to make room for classroom projects, pulled weeds, built benches and trash can holders, painted murals, and interacted with students of all ages. We had a blast and were extremely successful in all the tasks assigned to the 150+ volunteers that showed up today.

The reason for this post, however, isn’t to talk about all the work we completed…but rather to talk about the young boys I worked alongside today. I had the pleasure of working with two boys, ages 10 and 11, on a weeding and mulching project. This assignment required us to be on our hands and knees in the blaring heat getting our hands dirty and our backs a bit sore (though I only speak for myself on that one…I guess I am twice their age afterall). While they may not have been working at 100% capacity the entire time, they got excited about every single worm we found, talked about how much they love sports and school, which colleges they wanted to go to (Harvard, Yale, and Oregon State), and what they aspired to be when they grew up. They have wishes to be paleontologists, doctors, lawyers, scientists…and the list goes on.

At one point no one was talking and De’Nico said, out of nowhere, “Life is so good. It comes with a lot of really great things.” After reflecting on that short, simple, hopeful, and true statement… I realized for about the millionth time in my life how much I love children and young hopefuls in general.

Between volunteering with the Week of Welcome Program at Cal Poly and this AmeriCorps year of service, my eyes have been opened to the endless possibilities of the future and the people who will be a part of it. As a part of FEMA Corps Class 20, I am one of over 900 young adults that want to selflessly serve people…just because. This year has taught me a lot of things…but De’Nico definitely reminded me of the big one I shouldn’t brush over so often: “Life is good. It comes with a lot of really great things.”

TLTransition: A Glimmer of Hope

Yesterday, I helped coordinate something that FEMA Corps Class 20 Team Leaders are calling TLTransition. This was a half-baked idea back in January that came to fruition yesterday. Not often do I take the time to recognize myself, but today calls for such personal gratitude.

Back in January after my first ever AmeriCorps NCCC Transition, I had a nice long chat with the Team Leaders I was deployed with. Between the four of us, we realized one very heart-breaking thing—we haven’t had Team Green time since October 2013…and likely won’t have it again until June 2014 unless someone did something about it.

For reasons that I don’t yet fully understand myself, I decided to be that someone. I submitted a memo with the request to campus in February, lobbied the on-campus Team Leaders for support to do some of my leg work, got the item addressed by the Deputy Region Director of Unit Leadership, asked for Team Leader input and ideas, got the proposal approved and on the schedule, and finally, put together an entire day of activities for Team Green to foster support, love, and problem solving.

Yesterday was that day. Team Green reunited with tears, laughter, and common frustrations…and the rest of the world disappeared. For small snippets of time throughout the day, we felt like the only people on the Southern Region campus; we were friends telling jokes and ridiculous stories; we were individuals reminiscing on joyful, challenging, and emotional experiences. We were Team Green again…devoid of Corps Members.

 

So rarely in the past 9 months have I had the opportunity to think about myself but I suppose that’s what they meant when they said “servant leadership”. Because of the demands imposed on us as Team Leaders, the only time I truly get to take a break is when I’m too sick to think straight. Luckily, I didn’t have to be curled up in pain, emotionally distressed, or sleeping in order to take care of myself yesterday—and thank God for that.

So constantly in my life, I have said I’m going to do XY and Z…and I hardly follow through with anything. This year has taught me that following through is absolutely necessary. What if I hadn’t pushed so hard from January to April for this time with Team Green? Hell, we probably would have survived…but we would have had lot less hope and a lot more cynicism. And trust me when I say that being hopeless this close to the end is not easy.

I am not in a good place right now. Not with my team, not with the job, not with my superiors. I’ve lost a lot of hope and a lot of faith in those who are supposed to make this year meaningful.

But I know that when this year is over, when all is said and done, I will reflect back on my experiences—all the good and all the bad—and I will find value.

I know for a fact that I will carry some of these friendships with me the rest of my life, I have professional contacts that will help me in my future endeavors, and hell—I might have met the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. These are all beautiful, glorious, unforgettable take-aways from this year.

Team Green is why I fell in love with this program. Team Green is where I get leadership experience and appreciation. Team Green is my support system, my foundation for joy, my rock. I have fallen in love with every person who makes up this entity and I hope to never lose sight of just how important that has been for my year of service.

Thank you for sharing all my joys and all my struggles. I will never forget how pertinent you are to my success. I will walk to the ends of the Earth for you, Team Green. You are my family.

You make this all worth it.

That February Funk

As I so cynically forewarned all of you a few weeks ago, February is the Month of the Funk. And by absolutely no means am I referring to music here…

Campus and all AmeriCorps NCCC staff and alumni warned us that every team and every individual on each team goes through some sort of funk in the month of February. There really is no way to prepare for what happens this month, it is different for every team, but it happens—trust me.

Essentially, this was the month I made those challenging decisions staff alluded to over the summer. This is also the month I lost another Corps Member. 60% attrition for Bayou 6 this year…lovely. February was only 28 days long…but it might as well have been three times that. The work, the team, and my health were constantly weighing me down, stressing me out, and losing me lots of sleep.

Bayou 6 Team Clearance Meeting

At least once per year, the campus counselor likes to set up a “Team Clearance Meeting” for every team in the Corps. Luckily, the campus counselor and one of the Unit Leaders from the Southern Region Campus came to Washington, DC for a site visit this month. Out of precautionary necessity, Bayou 6 was able to get one of these meetings set up. The topic of the meeting: What is your role within the team and how does it affect those around you?

This meeting brought a lot of concerns to my attention: 1. Some people have not yet found their role on the team 2. Some people hate this program And 3. Some people recognize their negative affect on the team but are taking no ownership over improving or changing that role.

This meeting caused a lot of ripples…my team and me are still feeling their tidal affects today. I will gladly share more details if you care to know. Simply ask away.

Those Fourteen Hour Days

Work was insane this month. We were working two time sensitive projects simultaneously, we lost a team member in the middle of the deadlines, we learned to say “no”, and we put in lots and lots of hours. On top of all that, Bayou 6 was going through some emotional hurricanes.

Despite the overwhelming-ness of it all, we did recognize one very important thing: We are being trusted with an incredibly high-priority assignment. For the first time since our deployment with FEMA Corps in October, we are doing challenging, stimulating, analytical work. And because of that, we are and will be forever grateful.

Being Scared…but Moving Forward Anyways

Something I have always loved to avoid is confrontation. It can be confrontation of positive emotions, punishing negative behavior, and having sensitive conversations—it doesn’t matter—I hate and avoid them all the same. As I have mentioned a time or two before, there is no avoiding what you’re afraid of in this program. This month was all about these challenging conversations.

I delved into Corps Members’ rumors of quitting, asked other members to reconsider their dedication to this program, admitted to my own flaws and neediness, and shared how grateful and happy I am to have certain people in my life. I definitely dreaded the start of each of these conversations…but the result of every single one has been nothing but constructive and, in some cases, positive.

Team Leader Transition

After many extensive conversations with the Team Leaders I am deployed with, I decided to act on a plan we all brainstormed: Team Leader Transition. Ever since Team Leader Training ended in August, all of Team Green hasn’t had the chance to rebuild, rekindle, or create new or old relationships. I asked for all of Team Green’s input on the idea, submitted the proposal to campus, and got it approved. Currently, I am in the process of creating an 8-hour curriculum that will allow for the brainstorming and story-sharing of every Team Green member to the entire group. Uninterrupted bonding time…something we haven’t seen in over 7 months.

That Health Thing

Because of how stressful this month already was why wouldn’t my body decide to backfire on me? When I wasn’t in and out of the doctor’s office for various check-ups…I was curled up in bed with stomach pains. Lack of sleep, emotional stress, hormones, and the inability to truly slow down came to fruition this month. Things got concerning enough that I had to stay home from work, take myself to the doctor, and sleep when I would normally be operating at 110%. This roadblock just added an extra layer to the absurdity of February. But hey, I’m still here.

The Simple Serendipities

While this month was definitely full of anxiety, sickness, sadness, frustrations, and anger—an entire month never goes by without a few happy and notable things.

Team Green Birthday Celebration: It was one of my very close Team Green friend’s birthdays this month. A group of about 6 of us went out in downtown DC, laughed until our bellies ached, and shared sappy, heart-felt exchanges the whole night long. There was tree-climbing, wrestling in the streets, and sharing of embarrassing stories. We were happy, every last one of us; we got to be normal young adults again.

Butternut Squash Soup: I made amazing butternut squash soup!! I have absolutely no way of recreating it…because I didn’t write down what I did…but who cares! I took a look at a few recipes but then I did my own thing. I think I might actually be okay at this cooking thing. I’m honestly shocked.

Valentine’s Day Re-do: Since February 14^th was the end of a pretty emotionally exhausting week, my Valentine and I postponed our celebration. On Monday, I had the pleasure of going to Old Town Alexandria, got a massage, ate a delicious lunch, had intellectually stimulating conversation, watched stupid YouTube videos, ate ice cream in the snow, and laughed—a lot. I had a great three-days-after Valentine’s Day. I’m a pretty lucky lady.

Smithsonian Art Gallery: There is a gorgeous, high-ceilinged, peaceful, warm room in the Art Gallery in the National Mall. My departing Corps Member showed it to me one of her last days on the team and I have since shared it with all my fellow Team Leaders. With how insane this job gets at times, it was a relief to find a peaceful place to think.

February was exhausting, clearly. The crazy (and psychotically depressing) thing is that there are only three more chances for crazy months like this again. Graduation is a short 11 weeks away. After a month like this, you would think I’d be itching for that finish line…but I’m not. I’m still seeing so much growth in my team, contributing to the positive image of FEMA Corps, and ready for a few more crazy stories. Fingers crossed that sh*t doesn’t hit the fan too hard…but that my team and I come through it stronger no matter what. AMEN!

Jumping into January

Within the first eleven days of this month, I was in California, Mississippi, Tennessee, Maryland, Washington D.C., and Virginia—talk about busy. The sheer number of emotions I had in the first third of this month was enough to drive someone a little up the wall. Before I left home, I was anxious to find out where my next SPIKE location would be, dreading the return to extreme levels of responsibility, and excited to see Team Green. And those were only the emotions relating to my professional life…

January was a month spent with missed loved ones and transitioning back to the insanity of the Amier-life. I really wish I could have written this post closer to the end of January…instead of on February 15^th. I apologize in advance for any cynicism, negativity, or hopelessness that seeps into this post. January really was a great month. Let’s see if today’s mind is capable of conveying that…

Sunny California

As all you Californians know, we had just about the sunniest “winter” ever. After being in the Midwest for the previous months, though, that 80 degree weather was exactly what the doctor ordered. Realistically, California may have just been perfect because I got to see so many people I loved. January was particularly wonderful.

Dino

Okay, quick story: When I was younger and I would yell my brother’s name…everyone would ask me if I was calling him “Dino”. I obviously wasn’t…but this section is about him.

While I was out at a coffee shop on New Year’s Day, a woman from LA Fitness came by and asked if I wanted a free week pass. Normally, I say no to these offers. This time, however, Daniel popped into my head and I remembered him saying how badly he wanted to play racquetball. I snatched up two free passes in an instant. The next day, Daniel and I played an hour of uncoordinated, embarrassing racquetball. After warming up for about 15 minutes, Daniel asked me if I realized I had been laughing literally the entire time. I guess I might be going a little crazy…

Anyways, this was our last day home and our last day together for about another 6 months. We laughed and were incredibly patient with one another. I am so lucky to call Daniel my brother and especially my friend. You inspire me every day, Bud. I love you so much.

Co-worker

A random night in November of 2012, I had an epiphany that I needed a new job. I am grateful for that realization everyday…because without it, I wouldn’t have met one of my best friends. My co-worker and friend Emma is the absolute best introvert to be counterpart with my introvert. My second to last day in California, Emma drove up from San Diego and we hung out all day. Like, seriously, we talked for 9 hours straight. We talked about books, our families, nerdy school things, jobs, and what’s coming next for both of us. My heart has never felt so full from a plutonic friendship…ever. I look forward to knowing and making memories with you for a heck of a long time after this.

Even Better If’s

Back during Team Leader Training, a Team Leader organized this thing called an “EBI session”. EBI stands for Even Better If. The reason for this session was to point out people’s strengths and also to offer constructive criticism to become even better leaders. After some concerns were raised within my team, I decided this SPIKE would be a great opportunity to start these sessions for Bayou 6. Starting a few days before we departed for Washington, DC through now, we have had a weekly EBI session. Every individual has the opportunity to talk to each team member for 2 minutes each in a one-on-one setting. This session has allowed my team to take ownership over their personal emotions and their reactions to others on the team. As Team Leader, I no longer have to play the bad guy and point out “bad behavior” because my team is able to confidently address it on their own.

FEMA Headquarters

Bayou 6 is working out of FEMA Headquarters in Washington, DC. We actually have work this SPIKE and it is important. As the Team Leader and representative for Bayou 6, I have had an incredible professional experience so far. I am meeting incredibly important people every day and contributing my intelligence and ideas in the many meetings I am required to attend. I feel competent and challenged constantly. (As of the middle of February, however, I realize that I need to share this professional experience with my Corps Members. Starting this week, I will start bringing them to all my meetings so they can be challenged too J)

Yoooooga

The first time I ever took yoga was my freshman year of college and I thought I was going to a kickboxing class…I was duped! Despite my first experience with yoga not being particularly welcomed, I figured I should still give it another try. After signing up for a two month pass at the LA Fitness around the corner from our housing, I discovered the many free exercise classes that are offered—Yoga being one of them. I started going to yoga and now it’s officially added to the list of very few things that can actually get my mind off the nagging thoughts of work, work, work. Sundays and Tuesdays, baby.

Team Green Takes Over the Nation’s Capital

I am spoiled and honored that I get to be deployed with four incredible Southern Region Campus Team Leaders. What’s even better is that I’m rooming with one of them. Since our arrival in DC, my Corps Members have said to me “you seem so happy here!” and I couldn’t agree more. I love my team to death, but it is so wonderful to have people outside the dynamics of my team to interact with. I have gotten to know these members of Team Green better than I ever expected to…and our time together really has just begun! These individuals are the reason I am able to be happy, positive, and healthy for my team. I find it so hard to believe I got through last SPIKE without them.

Words from Other's Mouths

After going through my journal for January, I found that I wrote down a lot of quotes—more than usual at least. Since they don’t necessarily fit into any sort of category besides “quotes”…I figured I would just make a cute little section just for them!

“Make today the weirdest, coolest, awesomest poem you’ve ever written” – The Ripples Guy

“Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
Did it break?
Yes.
Now say sorry to it.
Did it go back to the way it was before?
Do you understand?”

“If nobody tried, nothing would ever happen” – Franklyn (wise taxi driver)

“Time flies when the wind is blowing” – Random Man at a Café in downtown DC

The Simple Serendipities

Google Translate Might Not Be That Accurate: The end of January was Chinese New Year! To celebrate, and to experience a little diversity, my team and I went to the Smithsonian Art Museum for their Chinese New Year event. Since I love books, I decided I wanted a few of the cute lil’ bookmarks they had. The funniest part of my day had to be our process of “translating” the Chinese on the bookmarks. The “translations” are as follows:

                “I want a boyfriend this year” and

                “I was born not to forget my expansive love for the old fisherman”

We didn’t even bother finding out the actual translations. I still can’t stop giggling about the old fisherman…

The Happy Tart: There is a certified gluten-free bakery in Alexandria—The Happy Tart!! And those same baked goods are sold in coffee shops all over. I get to eat pastry treats so often!!

Microwavable Gluten Free Chocolate Cake: Being deployed with other teams, and in turn being deployed with some of my closest friends, nice things happen pretty darn often. One of my fellow Team Green members bought the ingredients for microwaveable chocolate cake since we don’t have ovens. Amazing? I think yes. I've eaten about a million.

Poop in the Van!!: One day on our way to the grocery store, my sensitive-nosed Corps Member starting complaining it smelled like poop. Immediately, I shot that idea down…because a) ew and b) how could there be poop in the van? Well that was the wrong response…one of my Corps Members stepped in poop and dragged it into the van. It was so funny it was impossible to be angry. Poop in the van, really? Gross. 

What's going on right now:

I just had the hardest week of being a Team Leader...and it's not over yet. I am fighting for the mental health, well-being, and happiness of my team. I was told I would have to make hard decisions this year and now I can definitely say that yes, I have. 

Winter Storm Pax

Can we all just laugh at the irony that this storm means peace? 

Why I Haven't Been Posting...

QUICK UPDATE (seriously quick):

Why hello there, February. Back way in the day during Team Leader Training, campus staff dropped some wisdom on us young, hopeful Team Leaders. They said "Every team goes through a funk in February". As a Team Leader who remembered this ominous advice, I thought I would be completely prepared...

I thought wrong!!

For about the zillionth time this year, I have re-discovered that I am not always right. Hard life, right? Luckily, this time around, I'm not scared. The most horrifying part of change is the unknown. So as a Team Leader, I just have to make the unknown known. 

With this wonderful learned knowledge from last SPIKE, I have been able to apply it to this current SPIKE. And thank goodness. Yes, I'm tired, stressed, scared, hopeless (at times), stressed, busy, and tired and tired and tired...but at least I know how to handle the situation this time around. I'm not running away. I'm talking about things I am terrified of hearing...but I'm doing it. I am doing it. I'm crying a lot, sleeping little, and feeling a bit like a balloon that is about to explode...but I'm surviving. And I know the storm can only last so long...

The monthly update will hopefully be coming to you this weekend. I can't wait to relax and write...and relax some more :)