Departure in T minus 7 Hours

The day has finally arrived. I leave for my next (and very real) adventure tomorrow morning by 6:00 AM at the very latest. Here's a quick description of what is going on for those of you who do not already know:

I am moving to Denver, Colorado my next series of life events. I'm not sure how long this chapter will be...but it will likely be the most emotional, impulsive, and action-filled chapter of this adventurous life. Doug, Alex, and I will be staying at Alex's friends house in Fort Collins, CO for about a week...and then the whole "roof over our heads" thing is a little up in the air. As I mentioned through Facebook a few days ago, if you know anyone who can let us rest our heads and wash our bodies for a night or two-- any help is always greatly appreciated. Hopefully we will not be apartment-less for long though...

My wonderful boyfriend Doug flew out to California on Tuesday to help keep me company while I packed, to see California for the first time, and to help me drive out to Colorado about a week earlier than I would have been able to otherwise (I would have had to wait for my Mom to take time off of work and leave instead on the 11th). We've been packing and cleaning and cooking for my family all week...and by some insane miracle, one of Doug's best friends from childhood lives about 15 minutes from my parents house AND another one of this childhood friends was in town visiting. Point being-- the boys were able to reconnect and it gave us some great 4th of July memories.

Today has been my big day of prolonged packing procrastination. 8 hours before departure and I can finally say I'm "ready" to go. We've tried to relax much of today, we of course watched the World Cup games, and we had a great dinner with my parents at my always favorite Avila's El Ranchito.

As I type, Doug is packing the car I will be loaning from my parents for the next few months: a 2012 Toyota Prius. I think it is a robot...and the more reading up we do on all it's capabilities, the more this nickname is confirmed. This car is going to be full...and it is only a small fraction of all the belongings I hope to get moved out to Denver in the next few months. We will have to cross that bridge when we get there...

Now that I have updated you all on today's preparation activities, I should also tell you this: I intend to keep you all up to date on our travels, couch surfing, apartment and job hunts, and other exciting happenstances along the way. I'm storing up all the travel expense receipts to see how much we actually spend in the next few weeks, to see if we can be more economical about it in the future, and to give some fun little anecdotes about the insanity!

Well, that is all for tonight. Keep tuned in for some hopefully more exciting information and stories soon...Good night! :)

"Doug, come take a picture with me for my blog!" We're excited :)

May: The End of Life on the Road

Holy May. It’s the end. May was my last month of deployment in AmeriCorps NCCC FEMA Corps. How nuts is that? I knew people said this year would go by quickly…but this fast? I had no idea. Despite my disbelief, it happened anyway, even though it was fully against my will. It was clear skies nearly the entire month, I made some outrageous memories with my fellow Team Leaders, and I was on the receiving end of an incredible surprise.

So Much Friendship

As the year was nearing a close…and I was away from two of my favorite gentlemen (and future roommates) Doug and Alex for a few months, the boys planned a trip to Washington for the weekend. Along with a couple other Team Leaders from the Vicksburg and Vinton AmeriCorps campuses, the six of us rented an apartment for the weekend. It was just as costly as a hotel room…but we all had a non-floor place to sleep, a kitchen to cook in, a living room to play drinking games in, and we were a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from the metro station. After meeting with the apartment owner, she could tell we were good people and were going to take care of her place…so she let us have the place an extra night with no extra charge. How beautiful and kind is that!? I suppose being a friendly, broke, and exhausted AmeriCorps volunteer does have its perks :) 

Sam cooked us steak, bacon, potatoes, and asparagus the first night…followed by a rambunctious, accent-filled game of Kings Cup. A full breakfast of eggs, sausage, toast, and bacon was served the following morning and then everyone did their own thing until we metro’d to the local downtown bars that night. And Sunday a few of us went to the local park and ended up accidentally helping a few mothers on Mother’s Day by keeping their kids entertained for a few hours.

This weekend was one of the only times this year I felt like a real person in Washington, DC. It was the weekend I realized that I could totally live in the city…and it was one of the last carefree weekends I spent with a couple of the incredible TLs I met this year. The weekend could not have been better.

The Hot Air Balloon Festival

Okay, so let’s start the story here: Back in July, the Team Leaders had to fill out personal bios to put up in Green Hall (the office in which the majority of our summer trainings occurred). One of the questions was along the lines of “What are some things you want to do before you die?” Included in my answer was “ride in a hot air balloon.” Now, I’ve done research on this before and it is not an AmeriCorps budget friendly activity. Despite that fact, my Corps Member April schemed to get me on a hot air balloon all year. About 40 miles from our lodging was a Hot Air Balloon festival in May. She kept the surprise quiet for MONTHS…she just told me I HAD TO keep the evening of May 17^th free…so I did. We went to a cute little festival and I still had NO IDEA what I was in for. Then, I overheard the emcee for the event say something about the Hot Air Balloon flights that were to occur that evening and I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked at April—“Seriously!? A hot air balloon ride??” and burst into the most excited, anxious, happy, and joyful tears. I hugged her for what probably felt to her like an eternity and thanked her a million times over. A Hot Air Balloon ride! I couldn’t believe it.

Due to a series of unfortunate weather and wind directions events, the flight was never able to happen…but the thought and the sentiment is something I will carry with me the rest of my life. Thank you again April. I cannot begin to tell you how much your planning and secret keeping and giving mean to me.

Despite the lack of flight, Sam, April, and I still got our faces painted and had a grand ol’ time taking a boatload of pictures. I have never been to a festival and NOT gotten my face painted. I was in heaven.

Team Green Countdown

I was so lucky to be deployed and share a house with the outrageous and fun Team Leader, Sam Taylor. The second to last weekend of our last ever deployment, we decided to create a comedic treat for our fellow Team Leaders. While our Corps Members were socializing at the cross-campus potluck they had at our house, Sam and I decided to run away to ridiculousness. For a vast majority of the hours on the Sunday of “our” potluck, Sam and I brainstormed genius. I would give you more details, but I’d really prefer to just participate in a bit of show-and-tell. We created a countdown to our days back on campus for our beloved Team Leaders. The humorous (and sometimes just plain stupid) videos are as follows:

My Last DC Weekend

As mentioned in the previous section, I had the pleasure of being deployed with Ms. Taylor. In honor of our last deployed weekend, Sam and I decided to indulge in a Sunday mimosa brunch in downtown DC. Somehow, someway, Sam and I ate and drank a GLUTEN FREE 3-course breakfast meal, bottomless, mimosas, and a free shot to change location within the restaurant (since a big party was coming and we were clearly not moving anytime soon), haha :) Nearly every course had raspberries, the chef’s (and my) favorite, and our waiter was a pre-med, newly married gem who was thrilled to meet such smiling individuals. There could not have been a better way to take our last weekend in Washington to our advantage. Sam Taylor, I’m so damn lucky to have been in the same place at the same time as you. You offered me more smiles and laughs than probably the whole year combined.  

I’m Healthy!

So, long story short, I went to the doctor a whole bunch between the months of February and May because I found a suspicious lump in my breast. I will keep the details short and sweet (because I can) and just tell you that all the results came back just fine :) I must say though…after having a stress like that in the back of my mind for 3 months, I was grateful to officially find out in May that I could completely relax about any potential bad news…because there wasn’t any coming :)  YIPEE!

The Simple Serendipities

May was the beginning of the end of this crazy, stressful, life-changing AmeriCorps year. As always, there were about a million things that entertained me…but here are a few that I thought you all may be interested in.

Bayou 6 Scavenger Hunt. Lucky for us, Bayou 6 was able to get a couple Fridays off during the beautiful spring months in Washington, DC. One of those days we decided to have an intensive, competitive, laughter-inducing scavenger hunt in the Natural History of Museum. Here’s a pic or two of our adventure.

Joelie Polie. My best friend and first WOW Co is getting MARRIED on August 2^nd. So nuts. But anyways. One of our WOWies sent us this lovely little message “Hey guys! Long time no see, how's life like out of college?! Just wanted to let u know I'm in training to be a wow leader next fall! Thanks for being awesome wow leaders two years ago and giving me a reason to give back!” So…not only was that very sweet, but it prompted me and Joel to catch up for a little while. So thank you, Dan, for encouraging me and Joel to reconnect. I always love talking to my best friend.

FEMA Corps Softball League. One of my Corps Members and I decided that we would play in the weekly FEMA Corps Softball game one day this month…on the National Mall, no big deal. While I was being an embarrassing Team Leader/Mom figure to Jessica, I actually ended up catching her one and only base hit on video. It was epic…and we have it recorded. Couldn’t have planned it better if I tried. 

Duckies on the National Mall.

All-over-the-place April

April was the month of rock-bottom and mountain-top. The beginning of this month was the most cynical and negative I’ve been in…ever. Throughout the month though, I started doing this incredible thing called “self-care”. Unfortunately, this concept was completely lost during the insanity and the responsibility of being a Team Leader until about mid-April. I’m going to go out on a whim and say that this is one of those “better late than never” moments.

April started off with the second (and second to last) AmeriCorps transition in Mississippi, my 23^rd birthday, Bayou 6’s re-deployment to Washington, DC, good weather in the Nation’s Capital, and two long-weekend escapes to get the chance to be myself.

AmeriCorps Transition

As mentioned in a previous post, I helped put together a lovely day called “TLTransition”. While I am unbelievably happy for its positive outcome, its wide, grateful acceptance, and the general support it displayed among all members of Team Green…it brought a lot of personal things to light.

Two topics that come up that day were “What do you like about yourself?” and “What way have you changed the most this year?” Back in July and August when I was constantly surrounded and supported by people who wanted (not needed) me to be my best self…I was my best self. I could tell you a million things I loved about myself and I could tell you the many lessons learned and implemented from my experiences leading up to that day. Over transition…I stuttered, struggled, and sat in silence when I was supposed to be obnoxiously tooting my own horn…and the biggest change I saw in myself was CYNICISM. I thought that after a half-a-year of selfless service I would think higher of myself, be happier, or be able to take ownership over positive change—essentially everything that I didn’t feel. While this realization was not particularly pleasant…it helped shape the rest of my month and, really, the rest of my year of service.

I Really Thought I Only Turned 22 This Year…

I started writing this post and thought back on how great my most recent (and 22^nd) birthday was. NOPE. I’m 23. Oops.

I truly believe that I am the luckiest Team Leader because I got to celebrate my birthday over transition in close proximity to all the people that I started loving back in July. That alone made this the best birthday yet. In addition to being with my newest and best(est) friends, I drank coffee, ate delicious food, drank drive-through daiquiris, went to a Mississippi “beach”, and kissed under a train (my favorite two things combined).  I sang loud and obnoxiously at the local bar, laughed until my stomach hurt, and hugged everyone until they peeled me off. I’ll forever be grateful that this transition graciously landed right around my day J

My Love Affair with the National Mall

Washington, DC in the springtime makes me believe that I could actually live in this place. The National Mall and my physical ability to run it are the reasons I am so in awe of this place. Multiple times a week I throw on my running clothes and I run the National Mall. It doesn’t matter what way I turn…I’m always looking at something breath-taking: The Washington Monument, Jefferson Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, The Capital Building, or any of the dozens of Smithsonian Museums. No matter how many times I do it, I remind myself every single time how unique and awesome this place and this opportunity is: I’m working in Washington, DC, making an impression on important people, kicking butt on important projects…and oh yeah, I’m only 23 while I’m doing it. Every time I run the Mall, I am reminded of that feat.

Boston (area) with my Long, Lost Family

Sign in downtown Salem. So funny. 

First of all, I have a friend that I’ve known for 20 years…already. Sounds kind of unbelievable for a 23 year-old right? Wrong. In preschool, our teachers set me and Dan up to be friends. His best friend had just moved away…and I was a loner. It was a match made in heaven. Since our adorable introduction, our families became quite close. After him and his family moved to Massachusetts in 3^rd grade, we became pen pals which gradually turned to email, MySpace, then Facebook. Whenever his family visited California, we would meet up, when Dan was working for AmeriCorps and living in Los Angeles, he visited me up in my college town. Living in DC presented the perfect opportunity for me to visit him and his family, finally.

My Spring Break surrounded Easter Sunday this year. Since this would have been a holiday alone again, Dan and his family opened their arms and home to me for the weekend.  

I spent time with Dan in Salem, moseyed around downtown while he was at work, and met lots of his friends. I also went to Cape Cod to see his parents, brother, and grandmother (who I hadn’t seen in over 5 years) for a beautiful, laughter-filled, and gluten-free—thank you again!—Easter dinner. We watched stand-up comedians, went candle-pin bowling, and ate lots of ham and chocolate—but not together, of course. We went to Easter mass, saw even more family, helped hide the Easter eggs for the Easter Egg Hunt, and played flag football in the street.

This weekend was so busy, fun, and full of love that I hardly had to think about how far away I was from my biological family. I don’t know how I got so lucky…but I still got to spend time with family this Easter. Thank you again for your hospitality. I’m so happy I got to see you all.

Dad’s Last Weekend in Buffalo

Rewind real quick for those who didn’t know—my dad was living part-time in Buffalo, NY for the past two years while he worked a temporary project. Now, fast-forward to mid-April—he’s HOME, full-time! Since I hadn’t seen my parents since Christmas and wasn’t able to afford to go home for Easter, I made an extra special trip to Buffalo, NY while my parents were there packing up my dad’s apartment.

There were (as there always are) lots of chicken wings, perfectly seasoned French fries, mispronunciation of words (grandma), laughter induced tears, snorts (mom), and inappropriate comments made this trip to Buffalo, NY. This is where the majority of my extended family lives…so all of these activities are just the minimum requirement.

Besides the standard activities, my dad and I were able to do a couple extra cool things together. One, my dad took me to a park that he and his older brother Jimmy used to run at when they were teenagers. My uncle passed away when I was very young…so every opportunity my dad takes to share their relationship with me is a memory I will never forget. And two, my dad and I also went on a beautiful hike down to the water at the base of Niagara Falls. Being that close to the white water was as gorgeous as it was terrifying. Pictures will absolutely never do the falls or the speed of the water justice.

The Simple Serendipities

AmeriCorps Got Talent: During transition, a couple of the Support Team Leaders organized a Talent Show for the Corps to perform in and be entertained by. The show was incredible. People sang, danced, performed drag, and were excellent emcees. During the show, I whispered to my roommate about maybe doing an impromptu a cappella song if the opportunity presented itself. Fate played out that night. For some strange reason, her and I were harassed onto stage. Little did they know we were 20 seconds prepared. My beautiful, voice-major roommate and I performed a duet to Adele’s “Someone Like You” while the FEMA Liaison and I performed some interpretive dance. It was fun, carefree, and the happiest I was the entire Transition.

Tumbling Towers aka Jenga: Ever since I joined Take it SLO my sophomore year of college, I have a love for the game of Jenga. Alumni, you know what I’m talking about. Anyways, they had the game at a coffee shop in downtown DC a few weeks ago and I played a couple intense and impressive rounds with this guy. He won twice—damn—but I put up a good fight.

Asking the Right Questions: I have had the pleasure of working under some excellent leadership at FEMA in Washington, DC. One of those leaders does an impeccable job of acknowledging talent and expressing appreciation when he sees fit. This leader paid me a wonderful compliment. He praised my desire to always gain more knowledge and my ability to ask the right questions to get the right answers. He values my role because he rarely sees those qualities in others. What a kind expression of gratitude and acknowledgement from senior leadership to a lowly FEMA Corps Team Leader!

March Madness

(No, I’m not talking about college basketball…)

As always, this month was all over the map. Specifically, my personal life flourished quite a lot but my professional life was sporadic as could possibly be—I guess that is bound to happen when your work success is wrapped up with your own and five other peoples’ good and bad days.

Let’s start with the messy stuff: Work.

My team hit an all-time low towards the end of February and really tried to heal in the beginning of the month. There was success, roadblocks, and tears…but we all seemed to pull through right when we all needed it the most.

Witnessing Growth

Bayou 6 is a young team, has a lot of room to grow emotionally, a lot of attitude, and could improve some in the professional demeanor category. My team has progressed miles from where they started but everyone started plateauing in February. Call it a blessing in disguise or maybe proof that humankind can learn to be happy and flourish in any circumstance…but my team faced yet another roadblock that finally pushed them out of their February stagnancy.

Throughout the year, as Team Leader, my team has essentially left all emotional and team-building responsibilities in my court. This is certainly an essential part of my role but I firmly believe that every member has as much responsibility when it comes to “team happiness” as I do. Anyways, back to the story…my ability to keep everyone happy severely faltered in the beginning of March which required other members to step up and address negative behaviors all on their own. I was out of the office one day and apparently one member of my team exhibited “unprofessional behavior” in the office while I was absent. Another one of my members asked if it was okay if she confronted the “unprofessional” individual to explain why their behavior negatively affected her. This Corps Member utilized a teammate as a mediator and crutch…and it was a huge success.

Three of my Corps Members stepped up that day: One served as a mediator for the first time in her life. One accepted constructive criticism with open arms. And the most impressive and touching growth occurred in the Corps Member that initiated a conversation to discuss her negative feelings in a constructive way for the first time since the start of this program (and possibly in her entire life). Up until that day, this Corps Member would shut down when negative emotions arose, denied anger or frustration even if her body language screamed otherwise, and could only talk about these emotions if asked the right questions at the right time. I proudly reflect on this day and on this growth often. I’ve never been more proud.

Mason Neck State Park

Mason Neck State Park is in Lofoton, VA, was about 30 minutes away from our housing, and offered a to-die-for volunteer opportunity. On a whim, three of my Corps Members and I decided to indulge in this opportunity. On a Friday night, we drove out to this beautiful 8-bedroom home in the state park with windows overlooking a bay off the Potomac. The girls and I had “family” dinner in the massive dining room, played Scrabble, and prepared for the next day of work.

Saturday and Sunday morning came around and we were met with a FEMA Corps Team from the Vinton, IA campus and another Vicksburg Team. Our task? Create an oak enclosure for 200 baby oak trees so that the deer wouldn’t damage them while they’re still gaining strength. We transplanted 199 oaks (we lost one in the transfer), dug deep holes for poles with augers, put up fencing, laid down gravel, and generally got insanely muddy. After long days, we made team dinners, frolicked around the house, baked in the first oven we’ve seen in months, and were peaceful. This was, sadly, the first time my team voluntarily spent time with one another…and no unmanageable outbursts occurred. We were happy, as an entity, for the first time in a long long time.

Why yes, I do have friends.

Over and over and over I think about March and all the laughter that occurred. Somehow someway, I was deployed with a few Team Leaders I get along with best. I don’t know how it happened but I never questioned it…I just made damn sure I reveled in it every chance I could. Between drinking pocket flasks, partaking in ice-fight-wrestling-matches, singing Irish ditties, escaping to the mountains, and having obnoxiously personal conversations, I had one of the most social spikes I could have ever asked for. I am certain the memories and bonds that were solidified this month will be ones I carry with me the rest of my life.

Dad in the District of Colombia!

My dad was able to come visit me in DC! Normally I indulge in unstoppable chattiness with my mother…but my dad and I were viable competition this weekend. We ate and drank gluten free things together, walked all over downtown DC and stumbled upon a number of memorials we didn’t even knew existed, hung out with the other Team Leaders, walked and ran along the Potomac River, and looked googley-eyed at all the trinkets in an Irish store we found. It is always, and it proved to be true once again, a joy to get a chance to be Shannon (non-Team Leader) for an entire weekend. Thank you for visiting Dad. I loved every second of it.

The Simple Serendipities

The things that made me extra happy this month have a place close to my heart.

On the Road by Jack Kerouac. After the 3^rd attempt of starting this gorgeous novel and 3 and a half months of trudging through the vocabulary and quotes and sporadic plot…I successfully completed this novel. Thanks to Dave for the challenge and suggestion—totally worth it.

Possible Job Opportunity. One of the individuals I am working under the guidance of at FEMA Headquarters asked me to look into applying for a job in his department soon. Without much background I was already flattered. After talking to my Point of Contact, however, she flipped when she heard it. Apparently, there have been PMFs (Presidential Management Fellows) who have worked in FEMA Operations that have asked for a position at FEMA and this man has politely declined. He has never, and I mean never, asked someone to apply for a position. I was honored and taken-aback and undeniably proud of myself. We’ll see if this opportunity comes to fruition any time soon.

 

This Picture. NO, I did not create it. One of my Corps Members did…and then she accidentally posted it on Facebook. I realize it is kind of messed up…but this is the reality of Bayou 6. Our attrition rate is through the roof.

NCCC Alumni. My fellow Team Leaders and I met an AmeriCorps NCCC Alumni during our St. Patrick’s Day trek of Old Town Alexandria. He toasted to our service about a million times…and we did the same to his. He married a girl from his team and they just had a baby…my heart melted. It was so cool to meet an NCCC alum, there aren’t too many of those out there!

TAKE IT SLO and JASON MRAZ. Yeah. This is awesome. My college a cappella group, Take it SLO, got to perform with Jason Mraz in March. I don’t know the logistics of how exactly it happened…but it did. Go Take it SLO. I cried when I watched the videos. I’m so proud of you all. 

Global Youth Service Day 2014.

Today was Global Youth Service Day—“Youth Serving Youth”. Bayou 6 along with Southern Region Campus FEMA Corps Teams Summit 3, Ocean 4, and Bayou 5 also served at an event put on by City Year (another AmeriCorps program) at Langley Elementary and McKinley Education Campus. Across the campuses, we cleared flower beds to make room for classroom projects, pulled weeds, built benches and trash can holders, painted murals, and interacted with students of all ages. We had a blast and were extremely successful in all the tasks assigned to the 150+ volunteers that showed up today.

The reason for this post, however, isn’t to talk about all the work we completed…but rather to talk about the young boys I worked alongside today. I had the pleasure of working with two boys, ages 10 and 11, on a weeding and mulching project. This assignment required us to be on our hands and knees in the blaring heat getting our hands dirty and our backs a bit sore (though I only speak for myself on that one…I guess I am twice their age afterall). While they may not have been working at 100% capacity the entire time, they got excited about every single worm we found, talked about how much they love sports and school, which colleges they wanted to go to (Harvard, Yale, and Oregon State), and what they aspired to be when they grew up. They have wishes to be paleontologists, doctors, lawyers, scientists…and the list goes on.

At one point no one was talking and De’Nico said, out of nowhere, “Life is so good. It comes with a lot of really great things.” After reflecting on that short, simple, hopeful, and true statement… I realized for about the millionth time in my life how much I love children and young hopefuls in general.

Between volunteering with the Week of Welcome Program at Cal Poly and this AmeriCorps year of service, my eyes have been opened to the endless possibilities of the future and the people who will be a part of it. As a part of FEMA Corps Class 20, I am one of over 900 young adults that want to selflessly serve people…just because. This year has taught me a lot of things…but De’Nico definitely reminded me of the big one I shouldn’t brush over so often: “Life is good. It comes with a lot of really great things.”

TLTransition: A Glimmer of Hope

Yesterday, I helped coordinate something that FEMA Corps Class 20 Team Leaders are calling TLTransition. This was a half-baked idea back in January that came to fruition yesterday. Not often do I take the time to recognize myself, but today calls for such personal gratitude.

Back in January after my first ever AmeriCorps NCCC Transition, I had a nice long chat with the Team Leaders I was deployed with. Between the four of us, we realized one very heart-breaking thing—we haven’t had Team Green time since October 2013…and likely won’t have it again until June 2014 unless someone did something about it.

For reasons that I don’t yet fully understand myself, I decided to be that someone. I submitted a memo with the request to campus in February, lobbied the on-campus Team Leaders for support to do some of my leg work, got the item addressed by the Deputy Region Director of Unit Leadership, asked for Team Leader input and ideas, got the proposal approved and on the schedule, and finally, put together an entire day of activities for Team Green to foster support, love, and problem solving.

Yesterday was that day. Team Green reunited with tears, laughter, and common frustrations…and the rest of the world disappeared. For small snippets of time throughout the day, we felt like the only people on the Southern Region campus; we were friends telling jokes and ridiculous stories; we were individuals reminiscing on joyful, challenging, and emotional experiences. We were Team Green again…devoid of Corps Members.

 

So rarely in the past 9 months have I had the opportunity to think about myself but I suppose that’s what they meant when they said “servant leadership”. Because of the demands imposed on us as Team Leaders, the only time I truly get to take a break is when I’m too sick to think straight. Luckily, I didn’t have to be curled up in pain, emotionally distressed, or sleeping in order to take care of myself yesterday—and thank God for that.

So constantly in my life, I have said I’m going to do XY and Z…and I hardly follow through with anything. This year has taught me that following through is absolutely necessary. What if I hadn’t pushed so hard from January to April for this time with Team Green? Hell, we probably would have survived…but we would have had lot less hope and a lot more cynicism. And trust me when I say that being hopeless this close to the end is not easy.

I am not in a good place right now. Not with my team, not with the job, not with my superiors. I’ve lost a lot of hope and a lot of faith in those who are supposed to make this year meaningful.

But I know that when this year is over, when all is said and done, I will reflect back on my experiences—all the good and all the bad—and I will find value.

I know for a fact that I will carry some of these friendships with me the rest of my life, I have professional contacts that will help me in my future endeavors, and hell—I might have met the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. These are all beautiful, glorious, unforgettable take-aways from this year.

Team Green is why I fell in love with this program. Team Green is where I get leadership experience and appreciation. Team Green is my support system, my foundation for joy, my rock. I have fallen in love with every person who makes up this entity and I hope to never lose sight of just how important that has been for my year of service.

Thank you for sharing all my joys and all my struggles. I will never forget how pertinent you are to my success. I will walk to the ends of the Earth for you, Team Green. You are my family.

You make this all worth it.

That February Funk

As I so cynically forewarned all of you a few weeks ago, February is the Month of the Funk. And by absolutely no means am I referring to music here…

Campus and all AmeriCorps NCCC staff and alumni warned us that every team and every individual on each team goes through some sort of funk in the month of February. There really is no way to prepare for what happens this month, it is different for every team, but it happens—trust me.

Essentially, this was the month I made those challenging decisions staff alluded to over the summer. This is also the month I lost another Corps Member. 60% attrition for Bayou 6 this year…lovely. February was only 28 days long…but it might as well have been three times that. The work, the team, and my health were constantly weighing me down, stressing me out, and losing me lots of sleep.

Bayou 6 Team Clearance Meeting

At least once per year, the campus counselor likes to set up a “Team Clearance Meeting” for every team in the Corps. Luckily, the campus counselor and one of the Unit Leaders from the Southern Region Campus came to Washington, DC for a site visit this month. Out of precautionary necessity, Bayou 6 was able to get one of these meetings set up. The topic of the meeting: What is your role within the team and how does it affect those around you?

This meeting brought a lot of concerns to my attention: 1. Some people have not yet found their role on the team 2. Some people hate this program And 3. Some people recognize their negative affect on the team but are taking no ownership over improving or changing that role.

This meeting caused a lot of ripples…my team and me are still feeling their tidal affects today. I will gladly share more details if you care to know. Simply ask away.

Those Fourteen Hour Days

Work was insane this month. We were working two time sensitive projects simultaneously, we lost a team member in the middle of the deadlines, we learned to say “no”, and we put in lots and lots of hours. On top of all that, Bayou 6 was going through some emotional hurricanes.

Despite the overwhelming-ness of it all, we did recognize one very important thing: We are being trusted with an incredibly high-priority assignment. For the first time since our deployment with FEMA Corps in October, we are doing challenging, stimulating, analytical work. And because of that, we are and will be forever grateful.

Being Scared…but Moving Forward Anyways

Something I have always loved to avoid is confrontation. It can be confrontation of positive emotions, punishing negative behavior, and having sensitive conversations—it doesn’t matter—I hate and avoid them all the same. As I have mentioned a time or two before, there is no avoiding what you’re afraid of in this program. This month was all about these challenging conversations.

I delved into Corps Members’ rumors of quitting, asked other members to reconsider their dedication to this program, admitted to my own flaws and neediness, and shared how grateful and happy I am to have certain people in my life. I definitely dreaded the start of each of these conversations…but the result of every single one has been nothing but constructive and, in some cases, positive.

Team Leader Transition

After many extensive conversations with the Team Leaders I am deployed with, I decided to act on a plan we all brainstormed: Team Leader Transition. Ever since Team Leader Training ended in August, all of Team Green hasn’t had the chance to rebuild, rekindle, or create new or old relationships. I asked for all of Team Green’s input on the idea, submitted the proposal to campus, and got it approved. Currently, I am in the process of creating an 8-hour curriculum that will allow for the brainstorming and story-sharing of every Team Green member to the entire group. Uninterrupted bonding time…something we haven’t seen in over 7 months.

That Health Thing

Because of how stressful this month already was why wouldn’t my body decide to backfire on me? When I wasn’t in and out of the doctor’s office for various check-ups…I was curled up in bed with stomach pains. Lack of sleep, emotional stress, hormones, and the inability to truly slow down came to fruition this month. Things got concerning enough that I had to stay home from work, take myself to the doctor, and sleep when I would normally be operating at 110%. This roadblock just added an extra layer to the absurdity of February. But hey, I’m still here.

The Simple Serendipities

While this month was definitely full of anxiety, sickness, sadness, frustrations, and anger—an entire month never goes by without a few happy and notable things.

Team Green Birthday Celebration: It was one of my very close Team Green friend’s birthdays this month. A group of about 6 of us went out in downtown DC, laughed until our bellies ached, and shared sappy, heart-felt exchanges the whole night long. There was tree-climbing, wrestling in the streets, and sharing of embarrassing stories. We were happy, every last one of us; we got to be normal young adults again.

Butternut Squash Soup: I made amazing butternut squash soup!! I have absolutely no way of recreating it…because I didn’t write down what I did…but who cares! I took a look at a few recipes but then I did my own thing. I think I might actually be okay at this cooking thing. I’m honestly shocked.

Valentine’s Day Re-do: Since February 14^th was the end of a pretty emotionally exhausting week, my Valentine and I postponed our celebration. On Monday, I had the pleasure of going to Old Town Alexandria, got a massage, ate a delicious lunch, had intellectually stimulating conversation, watched stupid YouTube videos, ate ice cream in the snow, and laughed—a lot. I had a great three-days-after Valentine’s Day. I’m a pretty lucky lady.

Smithsonian Art Gallery: There is a gorgeous, high-ceilinged, peaceful, warm room in the Art Gallery in the National Mall. My departing Corps Member showed it to me one of her last days on the team and I have since shared it with all my fellow Team Leaders. With how insane this job gets at times, it was a relief to find a peaceful place to think.

February was exhausting, clearly. The crazy (and psychotically depressing) thing is that there are only three more chances for crazy months like this again. Graduation is a short 11 weeks away. After a month like this, you would think I’d be itching for that finish line…but I’m not. I’m still seeing so much growth in my team, contributing to the positive image of FEMA Corps, and ready for a few more crazy stories. Fingers crossed that sh*t doesn’t hit the fan too hard…but that my team and I come through it stronger no matter what. AMEN!