Today I was talking with a new friend about writing and how I used to blog. I definitely have to say it in past tense now because I certainly don't have the same dedication I once had. I described blogging as being a bit vain...and I'm not sure if I totally support that statement anymore. In the grand scheme of things, I certainly started blogging as a way to keep all my peeps across the country filled in on the goings-on of my life. But I even said it back when I first began, I was blogging (and journaling--which I now also don't do--ugh) to try to look at my life through a more positive lense. By no means are all of these blog posts positive...but they all helped me reflect a little bit deeper about what was really going on in my heart and in my life.
It's been pretty much two years since I finished my term with AmeriCorps. And it's pretty much been two years since I've taken this blog thing seriously. I think I was able to keep everyone up to date on AmeriCorps because it was my year of selfless service. My journey that year, while there was a lot of personal growth and experience, was mostly professional. It was the first time I was far away from home...and it was my first go at life outside of my education. It was new and exciting and different and I expected it to have a lot of ups and downs simply because of the crazy role I got myself into.
And now we're here--two years later--with hardly any written words to show for. I've been thinking a lot today about why I wrote this blog and why I would possibly want to write again...and the answers aren't coming easy. Life is really really really really hard sometimes. And really really really personal. Moving to Denver has been the single most important decision I've made in my young 25 years. Just like every decision I've ever made though, really. Something big always feels like the most important one ever--haha.
I don't really have a purpose for this post...except maybe to check in with those of you who I've recently discovered miss my writing. Thanks for noticing I stopped...but I can't make any promises it won't be another long couple months before the next.
Or maybe I guess the real update is this...this is the reflection I need to make for myself because that's really why I write this blog in the first place:
I am not always happy and I am perpetually heavy with other people's sadness. That's just the truth. But you know what? It's okay. I often beat myself up for carrying weight that is not meant for me...but if I witnessed this tendency in someone else, I would think they were absolutely beatuiful. In fact, I do have people in my life that do this...and they are beautiful. I don't put them down for loving other people. I don't put them down for wanting others to reach their full potential. I admire their faith in humanity and I just want them to treat themselves kindly. That's all I want for my beautiful friends...and it's all I want for me, too.
Alright...epiphany reached (I knew I kept this blog for a reason!)--hah. Goodnight.
