"Letting Go"

Tonight I went to a yoga class at the gym. I don't normally go on Fridays...but somehow I had the motivation to do it this week...and boy, am I grateful? 

The theme for tonight was "Letting Go." During certain points of the practice the instructor would ask for us to think of something in our lives that we have been holding onto and let it go...or at least start to. This "thing" could be stress, tension in certain parts of our bodies, negative memories, hurtful people, hurtful situations, anything. If you would have asked me two months or three weeks ago or even last week...I promise I could have come up with a whole list of situations that I needed to let go. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are still things that are cooped up somewhere that just weren't in the forefront of my mind this evening...but tonight I couldn't think of a damn situation or person that I haven't forgiven for causing me pain. 

I thought briefly about my year with AmeriCorps, past relationships, current ones, the unexpected Denver situation, broken promises, painful secrets, hurt feelings...but as quickly as these things came into my mind...they were just as quickly gone. 

You want to know what I let go of this evening? I let go of tension in my forehead.

I assume it's because I have truly let my pain simmer and time has continued to pass...but I'm really making a conscious effort to be happy here. Perhaps my experience this past Sunday is what helped this realization come along. Quick update: I decided to go to church for the first time in months this past Sunday. I was 1/3 the age of the majority of the congregation, it was a much different experience than I hoped for, and I think that about covers it. But in the weekly bulletin there was a quote/prayer written by Dr. Richard Halverson, past chaplain of the US Senate:

You go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you. Wherever you are, God has put you there; He has a purpose in your being there. Christ, Who indwells you has something He wants to do through where you are. Believe this and go in His grace and love and power. Amen. 

As most of you know, I'm not a ridiculously religious person...but I do believe there's a reason for everything. Denver. Denver, Denver, Denver. This is not what I expected of my experience here. But for some reason I moved here with two of my best friends, for some reason they left, for some reason I work at a coffee shop, with "at-risk" youth, and teach voice lessons. Somebody wants me to do something here. I'm here to make some impact. 

My jobs allow me to interact with dozens and dozens of people every single day. Every day I have the opportunity to make (probably over a hundred) people's days better. This past week is certainly the first time I've really thought about what a unique and powerful situation I find myself in. There is no doubt that I thought things would be different here in Denver...but I have stopped thinking-- finally--that they would have been better. It's been about two and a half months since my expectations were flushed down the toilet and I think I can finally say, at least today, that I find myself completely at peace. 

Halle-freaking-lujah...and Happy Friday, people. Go be totally content exactly as you are :)

September Struggles

As my few posts during the month of September alluded to...this Denver adventure didn't turn out exactly how I had hoped. I kept it to myself, for the most part, while it was occuring...but here is a slightly more detailed version of the goings-ons. I'm happy to say that things are significantly more stable than they were in September...but I am not going to pretend that writing this post did not bring up unwanted and painful emotions. Read away. 

Unforeseen Circumstances 

In the early hours of September 1^st, Doug informed me that he would be returning to New York in 10 days…with no guarantee of return. We both knew that this day might be coming…but we were thinking it’d be closer to January and with a return date. His decision to return home was made with love and a strong commitment to his family. While his absence is felt every day, I adore the reasons behind his decision. Unfortunately, though, Doug’s departure led to Alex searching for another place as well.

In a short three days, everything I wrote in this post felt completely invalid. Immediately, I felt naïve for thinking this adventure could turn out how I expected, betrayed, hurt, sad, worried, hopeless, unhappy, and so on. Throughout nearly all of September, I would feel all these emotions within moments of one another. The fantasy I painted for myself during AmeriCorps—moving to a big city with the best friends I met through my service year—shattered…just as quickly as the unbreakable bonds of Team Green formed. I still kick myself for getting my hopes up for the happy ending I wanted. How outrageous of me to think that the “FEMA Flexible” ingrained in my every day for the entire previous year would suddenly be extinct. Flexibility doesn’t just relate to AmeriCorps…is relates to every damn day…and especially every day when big changes are happening. And of course, big changes happened in moving to Denver. I officially moved out of my childhood home, I moved in with the boyfriend that I love very much, I am in a brand new state, I am for the first time (almost) completely supporting myself, and I am no longer in school. Enormous changes. Doug and Alex leaving just implemented a few new and unexpected challenges. “So be it,” I should have said.

My First Days with Students

Oh, the first day of programs at Mi Casa—the first day of the school year—felt a lot like a disaster. For those of you who know me well, you know that large groups of people I don’t know are outstandingly intimidating…regardless of their age. So yes, I was scared of talking to 14 to 18 year olds. Tease all you want…the struggle was real. Luckily, after just one week of working with these students, doing name games every day, and gathering their ideas for this year’s activities…I quickly gained their trust and felt at home.

Reconnecting with and Building my Network

The first Saturday after Doug’s departure, I kicked butt at socializing—not usually my most practiced skill. I reconnected with an old old friend whom I had Algebra with in the 7^th grade. We had a couple mutual friends in Junior High and High School…but mostly we were strangers passing in the night. He found out...through Facebook and this lovely little blog...that I would soon be residing in the same city as him. After being in Denver for nearly two months, we finally met up. Before we knew it, 5 hours passed. We had a million things to catch up on. I am so happy for the reunion. Now we just have to get another one set up…

Now onto expanding my network... In September, I met a woman (who gets coffee from Downpours) that owns her own trauma therapy practice. She works with sexual assault survivors, domestic abuse survivors, and habitually homeless individuals. I jumped at the chance to pick her brain. We met up for coffee one weekend and she offered me some ridiculously valuable advice. She said that if I wish to pursue her line of work, I should get a Master’s degree in either psychology or social work. Both courses of education offer endless career options upon completion. I hope to receive my Master’s degree one day. I will keep her advice stored safely away for when I decide I’m finally ready to hit the books again.

The Roommate Replacement Process

After two weeks of Craigslist correspondence regarding the two open rooms, I finally found someone to replace Doug’s old room. One down, one to go. Once Sam (the new roomie) moved in, we showed at least 13 people the house. Considering the housing market here, I did NOT expect this process to take so long. Yes, we were a little picky finding the right person to fill the upstairs room…but every single person (about 5 people) we offered it to declined. The prospect of finding someone by October 1^st was not looking good. And…it wasn’t. The upstairs room was empty, with no roommate in sight, on October 1^st. But I guess you’ll have to wait until the October post to find out how that upstairs room turned out…tehehe :)

The Simple Serendipities

Professional Flattery. Multiple times throughout September, I received emails from my former Point of Contact at FEMA Headquarters in Washington, DC. Every time an open position that I could be qualified was on her radar, she sent it my way…in addition to the promise of putting in a good word for me. In one of her emails she said “We need people with your energy and enthusiasm working for the federal government!” I applied to every last one.

Borrowing Lisa's Bicycle. My friend Lisa was out of town for a week and offered to let me borrow her bike while she was gone. I don’t know where she came up with that idea…but it was gold. I rode the bike to and from Downpours every day (only about 1 flat mile roundtrip) and even biked to North High School a few times (4 hilly miles roundtrip). I felt so in shape and comfortable riding by the end of that week. Now I just have to get me my own…

I’m Weird. One of my most challenging students called me weird. I know it sounds crazy that this is groundbreaking…but it is. This individual hardly talks to the people who work at Mi Casa at all…let alone feels comfortable enough to tease. I guess learning all the words to “In the End” by Linkin Park via karaoke in the 6^th grade really paid off. Good planning, 12-year-old Shannon (and Elyse-- remember that??).

Yoga. Ever since Doug left, I’ve gotten my butt to the gym for yoga so many times. It makes for a wonderful way to end my day and start my weekend. I felt stronger this month than I ever have.

August Accomplishments

July was all about getting settled and making sure I had some sort of income so I wasn’t blowing through all my savings. August was about finding more permanent and more meaningful work. Luckily, I found both. Check it out.

The Colorado State Capitol Building. 

Juggling Three Jobs

As I mentioned in my July post, I got a job as a barista in the middle of July. Awesome. I still work there…but unfortunately the whole marketing thing hasn’t quite taken off yet. I’m not actually too upset about it…because listen to this. I have 3 jobs. Yes, three. I moved here with absolutely no work, hardly any network, and no place to live yet, here I am succeeding. I definitely won.

Well now I must tell you about my new jobs. On August 3^rd, I had a Skype interview with a company called University of Rock as an independent contractor vocal coach. I felt super awkward during the interview and didn’t invest too much hope in it ending with a job. But lo and behold, I was given a chance. I was tentatively “hired” and given the address of my first two students. My fate with University of Rock would be decided from how these first two lessons went. And guess what? They went great. I signed on as an official teacher with University of Rock.

Remember that “Video of Recommendation” I kept emailing some of you about and posting about on Facebook? Uhm, yeah, that worked. The first (and only) non-profit I used the video of recommendation for resulted in an interview. One thing led to another and now I am the Afterschool Program Facilitator with Mi Casa Resource Center at North High School this school year. Wow, that was a mouthful.

You’re probably wondering how I can juggle three jobs. But check out how cool this is…here is my daily schedule, basically. I'm working my tail off...but the scheduling can't get much better than that. 

                7:00am – 12:00pm         Downpours Coffee

                1:30pm – 5:30pm           Mi Casa Neighborhood Center

                6:00pm – 8:00pm           University of Rock

The Reality of Working in a School

On day two of training with Mi Casa, there was a full blown lockdown at Lake Middle School (where we were training that day). I’m not even going to pretend that it didn’t scare the poop outta me. With all the shootings and especially school shootings lately, my heart nearly stopped beating. I may have come home from training that day and cried…but you know what? It’s a reality I must and do accept with this position. I’m now grateful that scare occurred so early in the school year.

Denver Scavenger Dash

After all our job searching ending in both failures and successes, Doug and I decided to get out and do something FUN. It had been a good long time since we actually did that…so why not. I signed us up for this annual Scavenger Dash (apparently they do them all over the US in big cities). I made us shirts, took a bunch of pictures (it was mandatory for the event), and figured out how far we walked. 

Our legend...wait for it...dary tshirts.

Do yoga poses in front of a yoga studio: check.

We ended up walking approximately 9 miles by the end of the dash!!

The Simple Serendipities

My Best Friend’s Wedding. My Week of Welcome “Co”, the beatboxer for my college a cappella group, my best friend – whatever you want to call him – got married the beginning of the month. He and his bride looked stunning and happy and I am so thrilled for them both. This occasion also served as a beautiful reunion for me, Julie, and Joe…our ever so famous and reckless college trio. I really can’t handle my alcohol like I used to…

Party Table.

Because nothing has changed. 

How I Met Your Mother. This isn’t actually a positive topic. If you’ve watched all 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother like I have…you’ll understand why the end of Season 9 really bugged. I cried so much I was so sad how things turned out. If you’ve seen this, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

The Most Badass Man I’ve Ever Met. Doug and I got a mad craving for ice cream when we were right next to a Walmart. Normally I try to run as fast as I can in the other direction of Walmarts…but I’m glad we didn’t this time. We met the most incredible, lively, grateful, and inspiring 90-year-old man in the checkout. He saw our ice cream and immediately struck up a conversation about his sweet tooth. Eventually he ended up telling us about his two life philosophies. They are as follows:

1. Have the most fun you absolutely can but never at the cost of someone else's.
2. Help others; Help them be happy and you will find that it will directly contribute to your number one. 

Of course I cried as we walked out of Walmart. It was the most honest and joyful I have ever seen someone in my entire life. His attitude is all he really has...but it cloaks him in a happiness that so many never feel. His gratefulness was positively infectious. I think we could all take a lesson from him.