So let’s definitely start off
with the super-duper positive here. Back in April, I committed myself to
writing in my Daily Highlights Journal every day. Today, on November 27, 2013,
I filled out the last page of my first ever completed notebook. Even throughout
my time as a student, I don’t think I can say that I have ever completely
filled a notebook with words…or sketches…or numbers or ANYTHING. This, I think,
is a huge accomplishment in itself. I committed myself to this journal, to
bettering myself, to keeping more positive and grateful…and look at me now—I did
it…and I’m about to do it again (and again and again, hopefully).
With the completion of this
notebook, I’ve become incredibly nostalgic (the timing is also matching up with
the first holiday I will spend without my family…but I’ll address that later).
This notebook accounts for every exciting moment of my life in the past almost seven
months. It spans from April 8th to November 27th this
year, it’s traveled with me all over the United States, and it contains some
huge life events. What should also be included under the “life events” category
is something along the lines of “I’m beginning to learn who I really am and
what I really want for myself and others in this world.” It is obviously still a
work in progress (I truly believe everyone’s is), but the past four months have
been especially enlightening for me. Because of my dedicated documentation, I
will hopefully be able to reminisce, learn from, and reflect on all my many
mistakes and victories in these past months.
Onto the less warm, fuzzy feeling
stuff…Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I am in the Middle Of Nowhere, Missouri without
my family. My friend who spent last year’s holiday season away from all things
familiar said “I’m sure you will do it too and realize it’s not that big of a
deal” when I commended him on his ability to handle the loneliness of being
away from family, friends, and home on Thanksgiving and Christmas last year. To
that I responded: “It won’t be a big deal once it’s over. But it’s a big deal
to me right now.” You know what, I hate
that. I know that in one week I will have “survived” Thanksgiving without
my family and I will be one week closer to seeing my family for the Christmas
holiday. So why can’t tomorrow just feel like a normal Thursday? My brain
accepts tomorrow as just another Thursday—another day of being a Team Leader—but
my heart and my emotions are just not having
it. I’m sad I’m deployed without other Team Leaders again, I’m jealous of my Corps Members who get
to see their families, and I’m ready to take care of just myself (even just for
a day).
Despite my melancholy, I have
devised a plan to hopefully manipulate myself into happiness…or at least,
peacefulness. Tomorrow morning, I will be driving my Corps Member to the airport in St. Louis,
two hours away. After I drop her off I plan to do at least one of these three
things: 1) Watch the St. Louis Thanksgiving Day Parade 2) Go to the movies to
see “Frozen” and/or 3) Attend a church service before returning to my hotel
with the remaining four members of my team. If I’m going to be driving out of
my way to a big city, I might as well take advantage of it, right? I hope to
dress warm enough to walk around, take pictures, and soak in this brand new
environment—even if just for a short time. A large reason I signed up for this
job was to see the United States…so that is exactly what I will do. And for
that, I am THANKFUL.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you
who will be celebrating with your families and friends, to those who are away
from them, and to those in new and unfamiliar places. If I can do this, you can
do this. Someone out there is thankful for you…so don’t forget to be thankful
too.
On a mushy, emotional note, I
want to give out a few shout-outs to people I am thankful for:
Mom—You
have always been my rock, you have never faltered in being the best Mom I could have ever asked for. Thank you for your constant encouragement and reminders that you love me. That means more to me than I think I'll ever fully realize.
Dad—Over
this past year we have gotten much closer and it is one of my most beautiful
and valued friendships. Thank you for always being my source of positivity and
motivation. I hope to be as good a daughter to you and Mom as you are to your parents-- it's a relationship I truly admire.
Daniel—I
have been missing you so much lately.
Thank you for always answering my phone calls, text messages, and goofy
snapchats. You are one of the most down-to-earth, genuinely kind, and giving people
I have ever met…sometimes I can’t believe we share the same genes.
Team
Green—I don’t even know where to begin with you all. Thank you for not judging
me when I was my weepy, emotional self throughout TLT, for being my rocks when
challenging Team Leader moments come up, and for being my constant sources of
inspiration. I know each of you is capable of greatness. I’m so proud of you
for your selfless commitment to this program. You are all the perfect
combination of insane and invincible and I wouldn't have it any other way. I
count down the moments until I get to embrace each of you again J
Bayou
6—Thank you, those still on the team and those not, for challenging me every day.
By trying to solve your conflicts, I have learned more about myself and have
been able to grasp even better why I am here as your Team Leader. I love all of
you—I really, really do. You drive me insane (and I know this feeling is
mutual), but when it comes down to it, I’d do anything for you. Thank you for
helping me develop patience and practice my leadership skills out on all of
you. Bayou 6—SASSY SIX! *snap*
Dave—I
would like to think that I would be in this life-changing job without your
encouragement…but I just don’t know if that is true. Thank you for helping me
realize my need and desire for adventure, for challenging me to solve problems,
and for putting up with my occasional B.S. From the moment I met you, I knew you
would change my life. Thank you for the memories, the love, the support, and
the laughter you have given me this past year.
Emma—Thank
you for being a constant source of joy in my life, for being an introvert with
me, and for giving me the best memories of my senior year. I
am so proud of you for your unfaltering desire for greatness, especially when
it comes to your education. You are beautiful, perfectly weird, and will
forever be: my coworker <3
All
my friends and family (sorry I’m not typing out any more individual ones)—You all
have seen me at some of my best moments and worst ruts of my life. Thank you
for loving me through it all. I know I have a bad habit of not being in touch
with hardly anyone…so please, call me out on it. I want to maintain and grow
the many beautiful friendships I have developed over the years. Just because I’m
a not-so-good-long-distance-friend doesn’t mean I don’t think about you or love
you any less.
Okay…I think that is enough mush
for one post. But let’s be real, if you want to message me…I guarantee I have
something heartfelt to say to you, too. I realized that about myself this week…uplifting
other people in their moments of doubt is where I get my energy. Help me help
you. You are beautiful, meant to be exactly where you are, and are worthy of
love. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this year?
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