September Struggles

As my few posts during the month of September alluded to...this Denver adventure didn't turn out exactly how I had hoped. I kept it to myself, for the most part, while it was occuring...but here is a slightly more detailed version of the goings-ons. I'm happy to say that things are significantly more stable than they were in September...but I am not going to pretend that writing this post did not bring up unwanted and painful emotions. Read away. 

Unforeseen Circumstances 

In the early hours of September 1^st, Doug informed me that he would be returning to New York in 10 days…with no guarantee of return. We both knew that this day might be coming…but we were thinking it’d be closer to January and with a return date. His decision to return home was made with love and a strong commitment to his family. While his absence is felt every day, I adore the reasons behind his decision. Unfortunately, though, Doug’s departure led to Alex searching for another place as well.

In a short three days, everything I wrote in this post felt completely invalid. Immediately, I felt naïve for thinking this adventure could turn out how I expected, betrayed, hurt, sad, worried, hopeless, unhappy, and so on. Throughout nearly all of September, I would feel all these emotions within moments of one another. The fantasy I painted for myself during AmeriCorps—moving to a big city with the best friends I met through my service year—shattered…just as quickly as the unbreakable bonds of Team Green formed. I still kick myself for getting my hopes up for the happy ending I wanted. How outrageous of me to think that the “FEMA Flexible” ingrained in my every day for the entire previous year would suddenly be extinct. Flexibility doesn’t just relate to AmeriCorps…is relates to every damn day…and especially every day when big changes are happening. And of course, big changes happened in moving to Denver. I officially moved out of my childhood home, I moved in with the boyfriend that I love very much, I am in a brand new state, I am for the first time (almost) completely supporting myself, and I am no longer in school. Enormous changes. Doug and Alex leaving just implemented a few new and unexpected challenges. “So be it,” I should have said.

My First Days with Students

Oh, the first day of programs at Mi Casa—the first day of the school year—felt a lot like a disaster. For those of you who know me well, you know that large groups of people I don’t know are outstandingly intimidating…regardless of their age. So yes, I was scared of talking to 14 to 18 year olds. Tease all you want…the struggle was real. Luckily, after just one week of working with these students, doing name games every day, and gathering their ideas for this year’s activities…I quickly gained their trust and felt at home.

Reconnecting with and Building my Network

The first Saturday after Doug’s departure, I kicked butt at socializing—not usually my most practiced skill. I reconnected with an old old friend whom I had Algebra with in the 7^th grade. We had a couple mutual friends in Junior High and High School…but mostly we were strangers passing in the night. He found out...through Facebook and this lovely little blog...that I would soon be residing in the same city as him. After being in Denver for nearly two months, we finally met up. Before we knew it, 5 hours passed. We had a million things to catch up on. I am so happy for the reunion. Now we just have to get another one set up…

Now onto expanding my network... In September, I met a woman (who gets coffee from Downpours) that owns her own trauma therapy practice. She works with sexual assault survivors, domestic abuse survivors, and habitually homeless individuals. I jumped at the chance to pick her brain. We met up for coffee one weekend and she offered me some ridiculously valuable advice. She said that if I wish to pursue her line of work, I should get a Master’s degree in either psychology or social work. Both courses of education offer endless career options upon completion. I hope to receive my Master’s degree one day. I will keep her advice stored safely away for when I decide I’m finally ready to hit the books again.

The Roommate Replacement Process

After two weeks of Craigslist correspondence regarding the two open rooms, I finally found someone to replace Doug’s old room. One down, one to go. Once Sam (the new roomie) moved in, we showed at least 13 people the house. Considering the housing market here, I did NOT expect this process to take so long. Yes, we were a little picky finding the right person to fill the upstairs room…but every single person (about 5 people) we offered it to declined. The prospect of finding someone by October 1^st was not looking good. And…it wasn’t. The upstairs room was empty, with no roommate in sight, on October 1^st. But I guess you’ll have to wait until the October post to find out how that upstairs room turned out…tehehe :)

The Simple Serendipities

Professional Flattery. Multiple times throughout September, I received emails from my former Point of Contact at FEMA Headquarters in Washington, DC. Every time an open position that I could be qualified was on her radar, she sent it my way…in addition to the promise of putting in a good word for me. In one of her emails she said “We need people with your energy and enthusiasm working for the federal government!” I applied to every last one.

Borrowing Lisa's Bicycle. My friend Lisa was out of town for a week and offered to let me borrow her bike while she was gone. I don’t know where she came up with that idea…but it was gold. I rode the bike to and from Downpours every day (only about 1 flat mile roundtrip) and even biked to North High School a few times (4 hilly miles roundtrip). I felt so in shape and comfortable riding by the end of that week. Now I just have to get me my own…

I’m Weird. One of my most challenging students called me weird. I know it sounds crazy that this is groundbreaking…but it is. This individual hardly talks to the people who work at Mi Casa at all…let alone feels comfortable enough to tease. I guess learning all the words to “In the End” by Linkin Park via karaoke in the 6^th grade really paid off. Good planning, 12-year-old Shannon (and Elyse-- remember that??).

Yoga. Ever since Doug left, I’ve gotten my butt to the gym for yoga so many times. It makes for a wonderful way to end my day and start my weekend. I felt stronger this month than I ever have.